so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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