MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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