Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
