Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
