I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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