we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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