oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
