My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you traded sex for a burrito?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
