he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
