Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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