woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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