i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
