Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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