we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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