you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
