I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
