I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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