I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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