Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
