We named our party play list daddy issues
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ttyl tear gas
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
