You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
