also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
