I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
