I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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