My sheets look like a crime scene.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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