i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
