you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
