Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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