I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All the doctor said was why
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
