just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
