yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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