i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
