He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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