a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
