I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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