420 ftw
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
