I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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