I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
