Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
