Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
