WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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