i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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