maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
