I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
