Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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