Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
