I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
