went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
