I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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