"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
