i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
