It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So many bounce houses so little time
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
how drunk are you?
Several
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
