I wish I could teleport
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
