So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
