dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
